The Day A Pigeon Came To My Rescue

From the title, I’m guessing you’re not sure what this post could possibly be about. Saved by a pigeon? How is that even possible? Trust me though, it’s true. I’ve heard of pigeons being referred to as many things (most notably ‘rats with wings’) but I’ll never forget the evening a pigeon came to my rescue.

pigeon

We’ve all been on disastrous dates, right? I had agreed to go on a date with a long-haired, bearded gig promoter from Glasgow. We shared a mutual love of thrashing drums and epic guitar solos which is an instant attraction for me. Texting back and forth, we seemed to get on pretty well but I definitely held back – there’s nothing worse than text overkill before the first date.

As I got ready, I suddenly had this gut feeling telling me not to go. I just put it down to a long day at work, blotted my lipstick and grabbed my handbag. What if it turns out to be the best first date I’ve ever had? Lesson learned: hindsight is seriously a wonderful thing.

We had agreed to meet at one of my favourite bars for pizza. As the waiter brought over our food , I was looking forward to getting to know him a little better. He started to talk: his family, his life, his career. I waited on the obligatory ‘tell me about yourself’ but it never came. He went on, and on, and on. I looked down and realised I was half way through my pizza. He had barely polished off a slice.

‘ I have 637 Facebook friends and they’re all personal friends of mine’ WHAT?! What the hell was wrong with this guy?! My head was throbbing. I’d spent almost two hours listening to him ramble on non-stop about himself; he didn’t stop to take a breath never mind to ask me anything. I waited for a split second interlude so I could tell him I was going to the bathroom (I secretly wanted to make a run for it, but we were right beside the exit). Who the hell was I kidding? That second wasn’t going to come any time soon.

‘I need to go to the bathroom’ I blurted out as he was mid-sentence, rambling on about another ‘successful gig’ he had put together. I started to get up from my chair when he stood up abruptly . ‘You do realise that I am speaking?’ I couldn’t even bring myself to dignify his question with a response so mumbling, I walked off to the bathroom. I secretly hoped he would leave and the nightmare would be over.

I was so grateful for the solitary confinement of the bathroom cubicle. The meal was over (even though he insisted on paying, it wasn’t worth the free pizza).I was going to politely make my excuses and leave, proving that at least one of us was blessed with good manners. I counted to ten and made my way back out to the table. All I could think about was the sigh of relief I was about to breathe when he was long gone. I’d never need to see him again.

Clearly he hadn’t finished reciting his memoirs because I returned to the table to find he had gone to the liberty of ordering another round of drinks.  I don’t think I’ve ever drank a vodka and coke so quickly; not even during freshers week at university. We left the bar and despite all my pleads, he walked me to the bus stop.

I was on my knees, begging for the bus to arrive. Okay, that was in my head. In reality, it was the most uncomfortable five minutes of my life. I could feel him shuffling closer to me, his arm reaching round my waist. I knew he was about to try to kiss me. I thought about just making a run for it.

Right at that moment,  a pigeon swooped down (I’m going to pretend it heard my plight and was coming to save me) and shit on him. Yup, pigeon shit all down the back of his shirt, narrowly missing his long mane. I didn’t even have time to react because my bus literally stopped there and then. I managed to blurt out goodbye (holding in my laughter rather successfully) and ran onto the bus, sitting on the opposite side so there was no need for the awkward goodbye wave.

He text me about an hour later, asking if I wanted to go on a second date which to this day, still confuses me. On what level did he think that was a success? He knew absolutely nothing about me and there wasn’t enough paracetamol in the world to get me through another evening with him. I replied telling him I didn’t think there was a spark and never heard from him again.

I’ve been to my fair share of gigs since then and we’ve never bumped into each other. Maybe he’s moved on to bigger and better things or put me on his ‘list of enemies’ since I reduced the number of his Facebook friends to 636. Or both. I’d send the pigeon a friends request if I could. I have a new-found respect for pigeons.

Months later, I had my perfect first date with Mr Blues. There was no pigeon shit involved (although I hear it’s lucky).

Please don’t make me feel alone here! Tell me about your dating disasters. 

 

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66 Comments

  1. May 28th, 2016 / 10:24 am

    Haha I really loved reading this. I am a bit scared of pigeons but this sounds like a very clever one indeed.

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 29th, 2016 / 12:36 pm

      BEST. PIGEON. EVER.

  2. May 28th, 2016 / 11:42 am

    That was the funniest thing I’ve read in a while! Guess karma served him well hahaha

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 29th, 2016 / 12:35 pm

      Haha I’m glad it made you laugh – my friends love the story. Karma definitely got him!

  3. May 28th, 2016 / 2:41 pm

    Hahah this is awesome – I have to admit, the first date I went on with my other half he got pooped on – I had to try and clean his tshirt in some toilets as he was so flustered he didn’t know what to do.

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 29th, 2016 / 12:34 pm

      Awww that’s the beginning of lasting love! Unlike your date, mine definitely deserved to get pooped on. Kind of wish it has been on his head but you can’t blame the lovely long hair.

  4. May 28th, 2016 / 6:47 pm

    hahaha! This made me chuckle. What a nightmare date and what a fab pigeon x

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 29th, 2016 / 12:33 pm

      I can hardly bear to return to that bar (and it was one of my favourites for pizza) because it is all I think about. He ruined it for me!

  5. May 28th, 2016 / 7:13 pm

    Ahaha I think we can all relate! First dates are usually awkward anyway but how can perfectly nice seemingly people suddenly become so socially inept when you have to eat with them?!?

    Yay for the pigeon!

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 29th, 2016 / 12:32 pm

      He seemed so nice beforehand but as soon as the date came…I’ve no idea what happened.

  6. May 29th, 2016 / 9:06 am

    Hahahaha, this is amazing. Great story. I have a friend as well that mostly talks about himself and it can be very, very annoying. No wonder, he thought the date was a success. He was so self-absorbed that he didn’t get your “I want to run away” vibes. 😉
    I had a weird feeling about the first date with my boyfriend as well, but looking back I probably was just nervous and thought he’d run away once he gets to know me hahah.
    I’m happy that the pigeon rescued you from that awkward situation and will try to appreciate their presence a little more in the future as you never know when you could need their help, right? 😉
    Really enjoyed this little story 🙂
    xxx

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 29th, 2016 / 12:31 pm

      Aww I’m glad you enjoyed it, it’s definitely a story that all my friends love so I thought it was time to turn it into a blog post. It’s definitely changed my opinion of pigeons, that little pigeon was a lifesaver!

  7. May 29th, 2016 / 9:49 am

    Funnily, I pictured my Ex Boyfriend as the guy you dated, only because he was the worst date I had, and somehow still convinced me to be his Gf.. (i was on rebound haha)
    This made me laugh so much and I enjoyed reading it. Bad first dates are such good stories but the pigeon just makes this one!

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 29th, 2016 / 12:30 pm

      Ah the things we do when we’re on the rebound, haha!

  8. May 29th, 2016 / 12:04 pm

    Haha this post was absolutely brilliant, certainly made me chuckle! xxx

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 29th, 2016 / 12:29 pm

      Haha aww thanks so much. Never been so glad to see a pigeon!

  9. May 29th, 2016 / 2:38 pm

    Hahahahahaha. Oh my God, this is just amazing. Not the bad date, of course, although I could definitely regale you with a few of my own dating disasters. But the pigeon incident. Way to go, pigeon! Bloody love it. Haha. Xx

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 30th, 2016 / 11:46 pm

      Hahaha thanks so much! Ah I need to know your dating disaster stories!

  10. May 29th, 2016 / 2:56 pm

    This is amazing!!:) I empathize with you but at the same time, is it wrong of me to say I am loving the story you got from this experience?:) I had a rather opposite experience once which was quite awkward as well, it seemed as though he had prepared a list of questions in advance which is not a horrible idea but there was no conversing going on, just interrogation style questions. Do you have a cat? Do you have siblings? Do you drive a car? Do you have a dog? And so it continued. 🙂
    Yours is a wonderful story!!:)

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 30th, 2016 / 11:47 pm

      Haha aww thank you so much. Haha, could he not just have asked if you have any pets? I wish I could bump into him again and thank him for the blog material, haha. I often wonder if he has met someone now…

  11. May 29th, 2016 / 4:08 pm

    This is great! What a nice story. I have been on a date like this once, only I was not save by a pigeon and had to suffer for hours until I could take it no more. But you know what I like best about this post? It is so direct and so real and I found myself just hoping and praying all the way through it that he would just stop already or that you could escape! Loved it!

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 30th, 2016 / 11:48 pm

      Awww thank you so much. Your comment means so much to me. Ouch, how many hours did you need to suffer? If it hadn’t been for that pigeon we would have had a very awkward conversation because there was no way I was kissing him!

  12. May 29th, 2016 / 7:26 pm

    Brilliant, I absolutely loved this post, it really made laugh! He got what he deserved thanks to the pigeon! Ha ha!

    Sharon x

    rosieloveslife.blogspot.com

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 30th, 2016 / 11:49 pm

      Haha aww thanks so much. He definitely got what he deserved. I’ve never been so glad to see a pigeon in all my life!

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 30th, 2016 / 11:51 pm

      Hahaha I’m glad it made you laugh. It took everything I had not to burst out laughing at the time.

  13. May 29th, 2016 / 7:48 pm

    lol! This is so funny! He sounds like a right selfish sod! I think it’s safe to say the pigeon agreed.

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 30th, 2016 / 11:51 pm

      Haha definitely! I actually wish I’d stuck around to watch him get himself out of that mess!

  14. May 29th, 2016 / 9:42 pm

    Loved this!!!! Where was that pigeon when I need him!

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 30th, 2016 / 11:52 pm

      Hahaha I’ve never been so glad to see a pigeon in all my life.

  15. May 29th, 2016 / 11:01 pm

    Sky rats do have their uses! Sounds like the date from hell. No free pizza is worth that…..ever! Stephen

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 30th, 2016 / 11:52 pm

      Hahaha not at all! It was definitely the worst date I’ve ever been on and I’m still shocked he thought it was successful.

  16. May 29th, 2016 / 11:32 pm

    This is SO perfect! It’s it funny how a little bit of timing can be such a game changer? Thank goodness that you had a polite way to escape–just in the nick of time! Great storytelling dialogue here, also. 🙂

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 30th, 2016 / 11:53 pm

      Aww thank you so much Katelin. I worked really hard on this post so that means a lot to me. It was definitely perfect timing and I’m so grateful.

  17. May 30th, 2016 / 7:24 am

    Hahaha! This cracked me up! I think that pigeon was really your guardian angel in disguise. About that douche though… he totally deserved the droppings!

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 30th, 2016 / 11:54 pm

      Haha definitely. I love the fact I got on the bus and he just stood there covered in pigeon poop. There really was no better end to that date.

  18. May 30th, 2016 / 12:05 pm

    Pigeon in my culture is a good thing! everyone loves them regarding their poo everywhere! but your disaster date is the prove!

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 30th, 2016 / 11:54 pm

      Haha definitely! Pigeons are definitely a good thing!

  19. May 30th, 2016 / 12:25 pm

    That sounds like such a bad date, I don’t know how he could read the situation so wrong. Glad he got what he deserved in the end haha x

    • Sarah
      Author
      May 30th, 2016 / 11:55 pm

      I have no idea how he thought that date was successful. There’s just over two hours of my life that I’m never getting back!

  20. May 30th, 2016 / 3:48 pm

    Hahaha. Pigeon has never been a friend of mine. I was having lunch with a friend and enjoying the good weather when suddenly a poop fell an inch away from the food. Still lucky!

  21. May 30th, 2016 / 3:59 pm

    Ha ha this is funny (well sorry that you had to put up with such an arrogant individual though).

    That pigeon doing his thing was a clear signal for you to move on and wait for someone better!

    Sometimes we’re too busy or don’t pay attention to signs but this was a good one.

    Glad to read that something better came up 🙂

  22. May 30th, 2016 / 4:39 pm

    Haha That’s awesome! I loved that. Seriously though, what were the odds that a pigeon swooped in when you needed somebody the most? That’s awesome. I hope you have better dates in the future! 🙂

  23. May 30th, 2016 / 6:57 pm

    Hahah loved this. Omg you should totally do a story time video on YouTube

  24. May 30th, 2016 / 7:22 pm

    MATE. This was hilarious. Hurrah for pigeons!

    Also, I’m now desperate to know who the gig promoter was hahahahaha x

  25. May 30th, 2016 / 9:35 pm

    Ahahahha. Someone was on your side that day. I had no idea where this story was going when I started reading haha, loved it. xx

    http://www.moanymouse.com | Scottish Lifestyle Blog

  26. May 31st, 2016 / 12:06 am

    Hahaha! That’s so funny! I’ve definitely been on dates when I wished a pigeon would poop on the guy. How lucky that you got out of it!

  27. Lauren
    May 31st, 2016 / 2:54 am

    Omg that’s great. It made me laugh. I’m sorry the date was so lousy though!

  28. May 31st, 2016 / 10:47 am

    The best is that you made a crappy situation into a post to share with the world! Your an optimist and that is what makes me smile! Def something I would have done if this happened to me – I have yet to have any dating disaster though ♡dynamicbohemian.com

  29. May 31st, 2016 / 11:29 am

    I am literally sat at my desk, chuckling away!!!! Fabulous tale, although clearly not a fabulous date!! Z

  30. May 31st, 2016 / 12:36 pm

    Haha what a brilliant tale of a bad date – I love reading stories like this – glad karma got him! haha x

  31. May 31st, 2016 / 4:45 pm

    How rude of him to ask if you realised he was speaking?! Wow he really does sound like the perfect target for all birds (with wings!)

  32. May 31st, 2016 / 5:00 pm

    Hahaha this is the best story I’ve read today! The pigeon sense your suffer hehehe that’s why it came to the rescue. If the pigeon could talk it probably say “Knock it off, dude! She’s got enough!” Love the way you write your story.

  33. May 31st, 2016 / 8:42 pm

    That pigeon indeed gave you the perfect opportunity!

  34. Kerry
    June 1st, 2016 / 2:05 pm

    Aw Sarah I am in fits here! God love you girl, we’ve all been there with the absolute car crash dates. I’m not a fan of pigeons but I’m sure you absolutely love them now lol. Wishing you a better day next time!!

  35. June 1st, 2016 / 9:57 pm

    This actually made me laugh out loud! I cringe at first dates, why do they never go well?

  36. June 1st, 2016 / 10:42 pm

    Haha, all I can say is Best.. Pigeon.. EVER. I haven’t been single for years, though I’ve had my fair share of bad dates. I now live vicariously through my friend’s stories about disastrous dates and I love it! #sorry
    – Nishi x
    http://www.nishiv.com

  37. June 1st, 2016 / 10:52 pm

    Christ that didn’t go so well did it, you poor thing. Hope the next date you go on is better than this one.

  38. Anosa
    June 2nd, 2016 / 12:55 pm

    Hahahaha thank the heavens for he pigeon, I have been fortunate enough to meet people who are as talkative as me but we allowed each other time to listen from each other

  39. June 17th, 2016 / 8:16 pm

    Lol! Sorry, I have no dating disasters to add. If I did, I don’t think it could trump that! (Although maybe I’m the only one feeling a bit sorry for the guy as well what with getting shat on! 😀 )
    Hehe.
    At least you didn’t climb out of the window a’la Rachel from Friends which is where I thought the story was going when you mentioned escaping to the bathroom lol…. 😀

  40. August 11th, 2016 / 12:15 pm

    Omg. Laughing out loud when the pigeon swooped in. It’s like something out of a rom com novel!! This post was a brilliant read hun. And I’m glad you got a lucky escape! Get it? Pigeon shit. Lucky? ? xxxx

  41. August 19th, 2016 / 9:39 pm

    I’m sorry you had such an awful date, but the pigeon part of the story was honestly amazing! I’ve never been a fan of pigeons (the eyes, they’re creepy), but this one sounds genius.

    Kelly // Velvet and Vibranium

  42. Tania
    October 12th, 2016 / 12:04 am

    OMG HAHAHAHA! I laughed the whole way through! Hands down the best thing I’ve ever read! You poor thing though and god bless the pigeon 😉 Also, I can’t believe he was so rude and even considered himself good enough for a second date?! HAHAHA. Oh….

    Tania | teabee x

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